so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
