you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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