happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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