First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
