I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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