So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
