She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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