The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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