If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.