Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
