your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.