everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.