you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
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Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
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Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.