i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!