The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
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Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
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So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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