You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
