threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
