If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
