New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
