The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
