ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize