I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
