Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
