i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
