I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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