OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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