He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
