So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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