I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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