Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.