im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
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On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
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He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.