Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
