I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
