We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
this just has baby written all over it
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
