Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
