This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
