dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
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I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
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Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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