once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
