mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
