I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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