the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize