He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
