Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
