I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
