Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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