I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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