If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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