yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
