The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
