I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
