I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Randomize
