alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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