A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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