Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
