That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize