were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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