Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
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Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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