wake up i wanna do it froggy style
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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