a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
