i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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