If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
