Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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