You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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