Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
