PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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