In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
What drink are we having for lunch?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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