Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
