When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
