I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
