dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
