people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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