i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
