anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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