You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
